New Chapter

I recently posted about my weight loss journey . I am very proud of the accomplishments I have made thus far, but still am not contented with my body, or how I feel inside. Yes, I know this is what ALL women AND men say. We all are insecure, and have flaws we wish to change. It would be a lovely reality to love who you are, in the skin you are in, in the here and now.

I have always told myself if I do not like something to change it . After all, how enjoyable is it to live a miserable existence? Get up. CHANGE  WHAT YOU DO NOT LIKE! I know, easier said than done, but the first step to change is wanting it, having that desire in the pit of your core being. That fire will ignite, and NOTHING and NO ONE will stop you!

I decided to start a core yoga program. Yoga you ask? Ahh, so relaxing, breath in , breath out, center your being, become one with the universe…… Mmm.Yeah. For me it is more like ‘ Grunt, breath, more grunting, curse curse curse, fall over’. LOL! Ok, ok, it isn’t all grunts and curses, I feel myself becoming more flexible, breathing more fully, and really feeling peaceful. 

There are many different styles of yoga depending on your goal; my goal is to get RIPPED. I know, a lofty goal, but usually when I put my mind to a future-scoping end result, I run like hell to get there. I have chosen weight loss yoga, and somehow decided upon an hour long video : 

Biggest Loser – The Workout: Weight Loss Yoga with Bob. 

Easy peasy I thought.Yoga, then yoga/Pilates for abs, then legs and arms…NO PROBLEM! OW. That was the first word out of my mouth the next morning when every part of my body hurt. Even my toes. Oof. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! I silently cried myself to sleep that first night, wondering why I do these thinks to myself. Could I do this? Could I achieve the end goal? I sighed, and truly wondered if I was up to the challenge.

That night I had a dream that I never told anyone. I sat in a white room in a black chair. My family : Mom, dad,brother, and my husband stood before me wearing white robes. My cats were there as well(ha). In unison they repeated ‘ go, go ,go,go,go,go,go,,,,,’ Over and over until I awoke. I rolled out of bed, equally as sore, wondering what the dream meant. I made it through my third day, grunting, huffing, crying. As I sat, panting during my second workout in the afternoon( I enjoy torture apparently) I realized the dream meant support. Support from those that love me. They have always believed in me, why shouldn’t I believe in myself?

So I am in the second week, working out 5 days a week, and when I can twice a day. I hurt, I am tired, and I often cry afterwards. It is SO HARD. Imagine 20 people trying to push you  at running speed as you push back, using all of your strength, fortitude, and willpower to knock them over. That is how hard it is, and sometimes even harder, but I will not give up. I may cry, grunt, sweat and curse many more times, but I can see the new me waving merrily from the future, encouraging me. She is telling me she believes in me, and that is what keeps me going.

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*Yes yoga gives your butt superpowers*

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